its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
