you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
