Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
