so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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