Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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