i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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