Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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