'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
