Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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