My cat gives me a boner
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
