Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
