is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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