Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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