a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
