My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
