I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
