I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
