I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
