so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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