I need help removing her.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
