I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
