I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
