I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
