she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
