O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
