This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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