I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
