Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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