I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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