Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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