you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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