Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You are the jesus of drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
