I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
