Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
