oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Randomize
