Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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