Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
