I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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