Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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