the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
