we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
