I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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