The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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