so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
