Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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