Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
