remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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