We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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