Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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