Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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