I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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