is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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