so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
