I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
