Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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