There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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