mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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