Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
