So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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